Remembrance of Things Present
by web of light
Summary: Tom has returned from Quarra. B'Elanna does not get the reunion she hoped for but discovers why they were separated. Added moments to Workforce.
1. Chapter 1

_Tom. I am really disappointed in you. I never thought that any son of mine…_

The Doctor turned off the monitor and sighed. He hated roadblocks and surprises. There was no way anyone could have predicted this. He also hated passing on bad news because The Commander already had a lot on his plate getting the crew back together but he had insisted on updates.

"Sickbay to Commander Chakotay."

"Chakotay here. Any change?"

"I'm afraid not. I just received disturbing news from the planet. I will need to speak to you and Lieutenant Torres," The Doctor said. He was not looking forward to this. One after the other the members of the crew had responded to the treatment except one and that one was now lying sedated in his sickbay.

Even though the possibility was slight he rechecked the scan to see if there was something he could have missed. It told him nothing new. Something was preventing him from realigning the engrams into their proper sequence. If he didn't know any better he would think someone had put up some kind of protective barrier around them but why? New procedures floated around in his databank but the possible side effects made him dismiss them automatically. Playing around with memory could be tricky. Nightmares and dreams could be translated as actual events and real memories reduced to dreams or forgotten altogether.

The opening door interrupted his thoughts. Chakotay's was still in command of the ship. The Captain was resting from the after effects of the treatment but the Doctor was confident her mind would stabilize by the end of the day. Her second in command had endured a great deal over the past few days but B'Elanna's trials were even worse. She had come in here time and time again in expectation of a happy reunion only to be met with disappointment. She immediately rushed to Tom's side.

"What is wrong? Why isn't it working?" She asked. She clenched her jaws and pounded her fists against the side of the bed. Tom didn't respond. The Doctor considered giving her a sedative but then brushed the notion aside. Dealing with mixed species individuals was risky. Anything he gave her might affect her unborn child.

"According to the investigators on Quarra Tom was sent back to the hospital multiple times. They don't know why. It's possible that since they knew nothing about human neural functions they may have used him for experimentation," he said. He considered his next words carefully. "It's possible his memory functions may have been permanently damaged."

"But he knew me. I'm sure he did. He was always looking out for me...he was in there!" B'Elanna insisted. Her voice was strained. The Doctor felt for her. As the memories of the rest of the crew had returned she had been forced to stand on the sideline witnessing their reawakening as her husband remained in a state of neural lockdown.

"His memories should still exist but unfortunately for some reason his engrams are not responding in the same way as the rest of the crew," The Doctor said. "I'm going to need permission to visit the planet and look over their research. In the meantime I'm doing some experimenting myself," he said. B'Elanna's face turned to stone. "Nothing that will harm him I assure you," He added quickly.

"You have my permission to do anything you need to do fix this," Chakotay said. "I'm confident the Captain will agree as soon as she is able to resume command." Walking over to B'Elanna he placed a hand on her shoulder gently guiding her away.

 _I'm sorry. Tom. The rest of them didn't make it."_  
 _Lt. Thomas Eugene Paris is hereby resolved of any wrongdoing…"_  
 _Tomas Eugene Paris is hereby dishonorably discharged…_

Tom groaned in his sleep. His body jerked. Shaking his head back and forth he put hands up against the light. Only then did he open his eyes. The EMH removed the cortical stimulator that he had fine-tuned for this experiment. Consciousness was usually a good sign but he held a hypospray full of sedatives in his other hand just in case.

"Doctor!" Tom said. The EMH smiled.

"Well at least you know who I am. Do you know where you are?"

"I'm on Voyager."

"What is the last thing you remember?"

"I think I was being transported."

"Good. Good. Do you know what happened?"

"I...had some weird dreams."

"We can talk about that later." He said. "Suffice it to say that your memories have been scrambled and I'm just trying to put them back where they belong. I just did a little tweaking. You are in no danger."

"I'm sorry Doctor."

"Sorry Mr. Paris? For what?"

"I...I know you wanted me to take things in here more seriously and I didn't. I know...it was frustrating for you. I could have had a better attitude about it. I'm sorry. I'll do better."

"Mr. Paris. It's alright I assure you. You needn't worry about that right now."

Tom's hands started to tremble. His eyes were watering.

"I'm really really sorry," he said.

"I accept your apology Mr. Paris," said the Doctor. He glanced over at the monitor. The screen displayed an erratic scan. He had never seen anything like it. He did another quick search of his databanks and came up with a theory. "Why don't you...rest for a while?"

"I think I will. It goes quiet when I'm asleep."

"What goes quiet?" Asked the Doctor.

"The bad things."

"What 'bad things' Mr. Paris?"

Tom did not reply. His eyes darted about the room. He was clearly becoming more agitated by the second.

The Doctor screwed up his face in frustration as he administered the sedative.

"Bad things," He mused to himself.

 _Thomas Eugene Paris, you are hereby sentenced…_


	2. Chapter 2

_What was your price this time?_  
 _You will be forced to relive the crime through the eyes of your victim._  
 _He's a pig. And so are you._  
 _I don't believe you!_  
 _You've ruined it! Please Harry. NO!_  
 _I just want to know what's going on... I have to go…_  
 _Thomas Eugene Paris, you are hereby reduced to the rank of ensign..._

Sick bay had more visitors than usual but everyone was spaced around the room so Tom wouldn't wake up to a crowd. B'Elanna stood beside his bed, Harry a few feet behind her. Chakotay and Captain Janeway stood outside the door to the Doctor's office.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Harry asked. "We're not going to...shock his system or anything are we?"

"I don't know what is going to happen," The Doctor said. "I do know that I need to monitor this scan while you talk to him. I have a theory but I need more data and I'm afraid this is the only way to do it. I'm going to revive him now."

The stimulate took effect immediately. Tom opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. Slowly he turned his head toward his wife and best friend.

"B'Elanna...Harry," He said.

"How do you feel?" B'Elanna asked. She reached out to touch him in expectation of the reunion she had been waiting for.

"Why did you do it?"

"Do what Tom?" She retracted her hand.

"We were supposed to work on the Flyer together. It was our dream and you weren't there….I missed you. Every day…" Tears spilled out of his eyes.

"Tom, remember I was sick. That's why I wasn't there. We built the second Flyer together. We made it better…"

"Why couldn't you tell me you were sick? Didn't you trust me?" The color drained from B'Elanna's face as she took a step back.

"Tom," Harry said. He took a few steps toward his friend coming alongside B'Elanna. Tom's head jerked back and he put his hands up in front of his face. He rolled off the bed keeping it in between him and Harry. His terror filled eyes stayed focused on his best friend.

"NO HARRY! NO!" His hands went back up in front of his head shielding himself from an imaginary attack."

"Tom…" Harry said. He stopped dead in his tracks. His voice was little more than a whisper.

"Tom," The Captain said walking over to him "Tom, it's alright. We're trying to help you. No one is going to hurt you."

"Why were you so much harder on me than anyone else?"

"What?"

"Other people disobeyed orders. You didn't put them in solitary confinement. You didn't demote them. WHY?"

"Tom…"

The same jerking motions as before. The wild eyes darting around the room. He was a caged animal. His visitors stood motionless hardly daring to breath from the shock of Tom's reaction.

Walking around to the other side of the bed the Doctor administered a sedative. Catching the limp Tom in his arms he motioned to Harry and together they lifted him back to his bed. Returning to the monitor he swiveled the display around for all to see.

"It's just as I feared. It seems they used a fail safe," he said.

"A what?" asked the Captain

"An extreme method of protecting the false memories," The Doctor replied. "If flashes of his real life started to return his engrams were programmed to cause his most unpleasant recollections to surface first. It was supposed to discourage him from trying to dig too deeply into his own mind. For whatever reason they didn't do this with anyone else. Just Tom."

"So until then all he will remember of his life on Voyager is…?" Harry asked.

"Every unpleasant that ever happened to him. He referred to them as the 'bad' things'. Unfortunately most us are a part of those troublesome memories, including myself," The Doctor said.

"He's just stuck in there and we have no way to get through to him?" B'Elanna asked. The normally tough engineer was known for holding it together during a crisis but now everyone in the room could see this was getting to be too much for her. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks.

"I'm afraid so," said the Doctor. "At the moment any attempt to jog his memory will only cause him more emotional pain. Fortunately he does seem to tolerate my presence here. It appears that his personal bad memories of me are rather mild. He kept apologizing for not taking his sick bay duties more seriously."

"Why him?" Chakotay asked.

"I have no idea. I will do my best to find out."

"This isn't Tom!" B'Elanna declared. Now she was angry although the tears insisted on continuing their journey down her face. "He doesn't dwell on the past. He doesn't hold grudges. Once something is resolved he moves on. If anyone could forgive and forget he could. If anything he makes light of serious things...I used to get after him for turning everything into a joke."

"Despite his eccentricities he had one of the most positive attitudes of anyone I ever knew," said the Captain. Walking over B'Elanna she put her arm around her shoulder and squeezed her gently.

"This could be an extreme overreaction or possibly the attitude that we are most familiar with may just have been a defense mechanism. What we are seeing here could possibly be his deepest thoughts brought to light," The Doctor said.

The room went quiet. The Doctor was not a telepath but one didn't need to be one at the moment. Everyone in the room was revisiting their own personal past with Tom.


	3. Chapter 3

There were many times in her life when B'Elanna didn't understand herself. Sometimes she had to dig deep, usually with the help of a friend to understand why she reacted the way she did in certain situations but now she understood herself perfectly. She had been looking forward to a seeing her Tom again but that moment had been snatched away from her. She was angry and hurt at the same time, Worst of all she had no one to take it out on. Rage replaced tears then tears replaced rage in an unending cycle. Someone on the planet was responsible but the faces on Quarra were fading shadows of another life that was quickly washing itself out of her mind. Someone down there had done this. She needed to be angry. She needed to cry.

Back in her quarters, Harry sat across from her, leaning forward, his head in his hands. Tom's outburst had shaken him. They didn't talk much about their time in the Akitirian prison but B'Elanna knew what went on there. Harry had been a ghost of himself for weeks after that incident but after a few days Tom had resumed his normal duties as if nothing had ever happened. She had read his logs. He spent exactly one entry on the whole incident.

"Why him?" He asked. It was the same question they had all been asking over and over "Why didn't they do this to the rest of you?"

"I don't know but I am angry as hell at them and myself. I feel terrible. I've done so many things to him." She wrapped her arms around herself in an attempt to gain some kind of comfort from her unborn daughter. Even that simple act brought back a pain she thought she had put behind her.

"At least you didn't try to kill him," Harry said. "He never mentioned it again. It was as if never happened. I've thought about it...a lot but he never…"

"Harry, you weren't yourself. It wasn't your fault."

"It wasn't yours either. You couldn't help it if you friends died...depression can…"

"All of that is true but what good is the truth if he doesn't remember any of it? No resolutions, none of the good times, not a single happy memory. If the Doctor goes down to the planet I'm going with him. I have to know what they did to him." she said. She had to be careful. She was starting to raise her voice and the last thing Harry needed was someone else yelling at him.

"I hope we can put him back the way he was," Harry said. He got up and started to pace around the room. He pounded his fist against the bulkhead. B'Elanna couldn't bring herself to react.

"Maybe I'm being selfish but I don't like being reminded of what happened." He sat back down on the chair but this time, he stared at the wall he had just punched. "What do you think about what the Doctor said? That these are Tom's real feelings we're seeing? We thought we knew him...we thought he didn't let things bother him but what if…"

B'Elanna shut her started to rise about Tom's inability to come back. Maybe he liked his life on the planet. Free of restraints in a job where he could be the center of attention and flirt to his heart's content. The way he was once upon a time before they were together.

But that didn't make sense. Bits and pieces of his personal log floated through her mind. His nonchalant attitude toward everything. How he let everything just roll off him and his ability to move on. It was the complete opposite of the Tom they had seen in the sick bay.

 _I admit it. I'm in love with B'Elanna. The thing is I don't know what I can do about it or how to handle it. My reputation precedes me and she is not easily impressed. The things that worked before won't work on her but the thing is, that is the only way I know how to communicate with women that I'm interested in but she is so different from the rest. The more she resists the harder I want to fight but she's not a prize. She's someone I wish I could share the real me with but she would probably laugh off my attempts to try and I probably wouldn't be any good at it anyway. There are times when I look in her eyes and I see conflict. I want to reach inside her and help her resolve it, to take the pain away if she'll let me but right now she's closer to Harry and Chakotay than she is to me. I wish I could...well it doesn't matter. I won't give up hope. I will, however, delete Riki from Sandrine's. I've moved on._

 _I guess it is love. When you give up something you want for the sake of the other person's well being. I surprised myself. I didn't know I had it in me but she is worth it. I didn't know what kind of harm it might have done to her or our relationship, such as it is. I was afraid this whole pon farr thing might have ruined everything but she did say something interesting in the turbolift. I had to talk about it. I wasn't going to pretend nothing happened and I was honest. Her Klingon side did not scare me off and yes, I would be open to seeing it again. She told me to be careful what I wished for. Does that mean I should hold onto hope or what...?_

 _I just came back from sailing around Lake Como with B'Elanna. It was her idea. It was something I had invited her to it almost a year ago and she remembered. She told me she wanted to see it if the invitation was still open. We had a great time. She is beautiful and I love her. I guess behaving like a gentleman does have it's rewards. Maybe in a weird way it proved to her that I'm serious about her. I really really do not want to mess this up._

 _It's official. We are together. I didn't know it was possible to be this happy. She loves me and that is all that matters. I could go on and on about this but I don't have time. We have a date._

 _She finally told me what was wrong. She never properly grieved for the loss of the Maquis and it caused her to fall into a depression. The thought of her enduring that alone is heartbreaking but I honestly don't know what I could have done to make it better if I had known. I don't understand why she felt she couldn't tell me but that doesn't matter now. She's back. I don't know if I can ever prevent this from happening again but now I know what to look for. This will not take me by surprise again. The minute I notice any signs I will get help. I can't let her go through that again but right now I'm happy that she's back. I knew we could get past this._

 _Nothing like having your free will snatched away from you to make you appreciate what you have. It was a strange wake up call but it worked. I don't know what B'Elanna thinks of the car but she was happy when I finally told her everything that was going on in my head. She punched me and told me to never ever assume that she wouldn't understand again. I don't know why we always underestimate each other but that incident is over. Time to move on._

 _I wish B'Elanna would stop it. Hurting herself, flat-lining to see if a dream is real or not and refusing to let the Doctor perform a medical procedure on her that WILL Work. I don't know whether to be angry or not but sometimes it hurts like hell that she doesn't think about me. Yes, I'm being selfish. I wonder how she would feel if it were the other way around? If she had to stand back and watch while I did potentially destructive things to myself ? Would she try to stop me? Maybe she's not getting the message. of how much I love her and how much it would hurt if I lost her?_

 _It's been a rough couple of weeks but I think I'm finally putting what happened on Tetrakis behind us. I don't want to talk or even think about it ever again._

 _Well,_ _now she knows what it's like to have to watch someone she loves self-destruct in front of her. In my own defense, I didn't do this on purpose. Who knew when I connected to that ship that it would take over my neural functions but she knew something was wrong and time and time again she reached out and tried to stop me, finally coming to my rescue. She saved my life. That is what I will remember from this experience._

 _After the dust settled and we were alone she confided in me that she had started the day seriously considering breaking up with me. It wasn't just the weekend. It was a whole series of things. I told her when she said something was fine I believed her. I honestly thought it was fine. If she hadn't taken Harry's place...I came that close to losing her without even knowing where I was falling short but I did make her promise in the future to not say something was fine when it was not. I can't dwell on that. We have a future together and that is all we ever wanted. I told her when she asked again why I had never asked her before that I was sort of waiting for her to do the asking. She started laughing...really laughing. I love to see her happy._

His love for her went deeper than she had ever imagined. She had often complained about how he took her for granted but now she felt the accusation being pointed back at herself. She had done the same thing but with her it simply manifested itself in different ways. She was so affected by this realization she determined that if she ever got him back things would be different. She would be considerate of his feelings and show him more affection. Do little things for him and be less demanding. She would be less quick to get angry at his little foibles and overlook the time spent on his hobbies. She didn't know how long she would be able to keep it up but at least she would begin to make an effort. Her dreams of starting anew with him were in pieces but a small part of her was determined to keep that vow. The Klingon part of her started to take over again and her human half knew to stand aside.

"We'll deal with that later," She said in answer to Harry's question. "First... we get him back.


	4. Chapter 4

B'Elanna had insisted on accompanying him and there was no reason to tell her no. After all it did concern her husband and the father of her child.

Everyone was exceedingly polite to the point of suffocation. The officials on Quarra couldn't do enough for the crew of Voyager but their receptive behavior only went so far. After much bureaucratic wrangling and veiled threats from B'Elanna they were finally in the interview room of the prison.

Kadan was forced to cooperate. He was obviously not happy about this interview and was now sitting there on the other side of the table with a smug arrogant look on his face. The Doctor took an instant dislike to him and was glad the authorities had provided them with an intimidating guard. Even now the big man stood against the wall throwing menacing looks in Kadan's direction.

"We need you to tell us how to reverse the procedure you performed on Lieutenant Paris," The Doctor said.

"Who?" Kadan was being deliberately dismissive.

"Tom Paris. My husband," B'Elanna said. "What did you do to him?"

'Oh yes. Him. It's his own fault." Kadan sat back in the chair acting as if this was a given.

"His own fault?" The Doctor thought B'Elanna was going to reach across the table and smack him. The Doctor was disappointed that she restrained herself. That would have been quite satisfying.

"Everyone else was happy with their new lives," Kadan said. New memories, new sources of skilled labor. We scanned you, did comparisons and discovered he was your child's father. We were originally going to keep you together. Nice happy little family. Then he started having flashbacks right there in the hospital. We deduced it was because of your presence because he kept saying your name over and over so we decided to give you two separate lives to see if that would help. It didn't. He continued to resist to the point where we had to perform the procedure again and he still he wouldn't settle into his new life so we had to take it a step further, something we rarely have to do I might add. We had to go so far as to intensify the negative emotions. If he fell and bruised himself he interprets it as a broken arm. We then had to go to the trouble to have him fired so he wouldn't be in constant contact with you. Then we found out you couldn't stay away from that bar. If that had continued we were going to arrange to have him fired...again. Move him to the other side of the planet if need be. Shame too. He seemed to have been a rather gifted multi-talented individual. Lots of places where we could have used him. Why? Is he crying into his pillow every night?" He taunted.

This time she did not restrain herself. There was no mistaking her intent as she reached across the table. Grabbing her hand the guard firmly forced her back.

"Unfortunately for us while we were wasting time with him we failed to notice your pointy eared crew mate had mental powers beyond our comprehension. We thought his eccentric behavior was simple an outgrowth of his real personality. We should have concentrated our efforts on him instead," Kadan said.

"That pointy eared man is our friend. Lieutenant Commander Tuvok," The Doctor said. He had often been accused of being arrogant himself. If he were anything like Kadan he was going to ask that his program be tweaked as soon as possible.

"Well if we knew then what we know now...neither one of them would have made to the factory floor."

"How do we reverse the process?" The Doctor asked.

"I haven't the slightest idea," Kadan said.

"You don't know? B'Elanna's voice was unusually shrill.

"We weren't planning on ever reversing it."

It was fortunate that no one in the room could understand Klingon. The words spilled out of B'Elanna's mouth were vile. This time she stood up and despite her pregnancy was ready to unleash her full fury on Kadan. The Doctor had no choice but to stand up beside her and grab her arm while the guard grabbed the other.

"B'Elanna," he said in what he hoped was a soothing voice. "Think about your baby."

She pulled back her arm and her body relaxed. The expression on her face did not.

She spit. It was a most satisfying cathartic moment for everyone present with the exception of Kadan


	5. Chapter 5

"Kadan confirmed my suspicions. He was little help but at least I have access to his research. I can assure you though that while Mr. Paris is in a delicate state he is in no danger. His present emotional responses are the results of his emotions being intensified. His reactions are in fact overreactions."

"That's good news at least," the Captain said. "But I admit I find it hard to believe that Tom Paris out of everyone here had the mental stamina to resist alteration to the point of having to have his memories suppressed so severely. It's also a bit damaging to the ego. I thought I had a strong mind. B'Elanna here being half Klingon would surely be able to resist better than a human. Tom is a bright individual but…"

"He can come across as undisciplined at times," Chakotay said. "And I do not mean that in a negative way."

"If I were to judge based solely on my normal day to day interactions with Lieutenant Paris I would find the concept highly unlikely. However knowing what I know I can easily believe that he had the will to resist," Seven said. This was the first time she had spoken since the Captain had called them together. "I have seen Lieutenant Paris exhibit such behavior before."

Everyone turned to look at her. Tuvok's eyebrows were not the only ones raised.

"When was this?" asked the Captain.

"Three years ago the crew was put in stasis in order to survive passage through a Meturan nebula," she replied.

"Of course, we remember that," Captain Janeway said. "What is the connection?"

"Lieutenant Paris was so resistant to the idea of being put in a stasis tube to the point where he refused to remain contained. Four times he was able to free himself even though he was not fully conscience. Four times the Doctor and I had to sedate him. No one else reacted this way. That he fought the attempts to alter his memories is not surprising."

"I remember reading your reports. I'm afraid I didn't take them seriously. I thought it was just Tom being...stubborn," The Captain said.

"We even joked about it at the time," Harry said. "He said he just didn't like closed in spaces. We didn't think there was anything more to it than that."

"Whenever Tom has a new project, a new toy or holodeck program he tends to obsess over it," B'Elanna said. "He concentrates on that one thing and everything else is pushed to the side. We used to fight about it."

"Oddly enough Mr. Paris' stubborn single-mindedness might have been the impetus for your release. They spent so much time working on him they failed to notice what was happening with Tuvok until it was too late. Tom distracted them," The Doctor said.

"We probably have answered the why," Harry said. "Tom can be stubborn, extremely focused and has a high mental resistance level. The question is what we can do about it. How can we bring him back?"

"What would happen if you just wiped his bad memories?" asked Chakotay. "Speaking theoretically of course."

"I can try that of course but then we enter into the area of freedom of choice for the patient," said the Doctor. "He has created, as we all do, his own mental and emotional balance when it comes to memory. I can activate the dormant engrams and suppress the ones that are now active individually but it would be a slow process. I don't want to activate them all at once. It would produce a flood of memories and I don't know how he would handle that. He might come through it unscathed or it might cause psychological damage. In the end for his own mental wellbeing, he needs to be the one to decide what to put where, and why. Not me or anyone else."

"Judging from my own experience Lieutenant Paris is 'in there' and is more than likely even now trying to work his way back," said Tuvok. "He needs proper motivation and a way to help him focus in order to work past the unpleasant memories."

"We have seen that shock doesn't work," said Chakotay. "And he won't let any of us get close to him without some kind of emotional outburst."

"The Doctor's slow and careful method might work but it will take time and we need him back now," said the Captain.

"Not to mention I would like for him to be in his right mind by the time our daughter is born," said B'Elanna. She got up from her seat and started walking back and forth across the front of the briefing room. "There has to be some way to get through to him." She stopped in mid-step and swerved around to face the Doctor.

"If we cannot reach him externally perhaps we can reach him internally," she said. "Remember how I was able to communicate with him during that incident with the Shuttle?"

"You and Mr. Paris were both linked to an external source which was, in that case, the shuttle's neurophasic interface and that was a very short exposure. I would not recommend recreating that scenario. I have no idea how long you would need to be linked. You could both come out of it with your mind's scrambled and I have no idea what sort of effect that would have on your unborn child."

"We could use Tuvok." She said. "Couldn't we? You can link to more than one person at a time?"

Tuvok sat up a little straighter. His eyes narrowed as if he were trying to look into his own mind.

"I know what you are asking. It has been done before but it is a delicate procedure. I could be the conduit to link your mind with that of Lieutenant Paris but such a procedure involving humans is rarely successful. Human minds are rarely as focused as Vulcan minds and they often allow their emotions to interfere. I know of just one instance where a meld such as this with a human involved was successful and that was only because the Vulcan serving as a conduit was one of the most disciplined logical individuals our culture has known. The human link would need a source of...stabilization. And I do not wish to cause offense but we must consider that you are also half Klingon. The volatile nature…"

"Would it work with there were two people involved...who could keep each other focused?" she asked.

"You and..." asked Tuvok.

"Me and Harry," she said.

"A quadruple mind meld?" The Doctor said. "I just said that a flood of memories…"

"This would not be a typical mind meld. We would not flood his mind with memories. Lieutenant Torres and Ensign Kim's purpose would be to give him motivation enough to fight harder," Tuvok said.

"If you think there is a chance this could work I'm willing," said Harry.

"This wouldn't cause any harm to our daughter, would it?" B'Elanna asked.

"It should not," Replied Tuvok. "I would be simply acting as a conduit. I would not open my memories to either of you or to Lieutenant Paris. I will need time to prepare."

They waited for the Doctor's objection to what he called 'Vulcan voodoo' but now he simply spread his hands out on the table in front of him.

"I have no other options. We can proceed as soon as you are ready," He said.


	6. Chapter 6

B'Elanna rarely felt nervous. She had been inside Tom's mind once before when they were trying to free him from the control of the Alice Shuttle. She didn't have much time to look around when she was in there. She had concentrated all her efforts on convincing Tom that what he thought was real was not. Now she had a different mission and didn't know if she was up to the task.

Tuvok stood at the head of the bed and Harry on the other.

"Once I establish the meld it cannot be broken, not for any reason except by me. Our objective is to give Lieutenant Paris proper motivation to continue the struggle and to aid him in placing his memories in balance. "

"What if we trigger really bad memories?" Harry asked.

"You will go through them with him which is something you must prepare yourself for. You primary focus is to turn his attentions away from the painful memories to see what lies beyond them," Tuvok answered. "Now we begin. Lieutenant Torres, you will go first." She nodded.

She placed a hand against Tuvok's temple doing her best to remember all Tuvok had told her while he reached down and placed his hands on Tom's face.

"My mind, to your minds."

B'Elanna felt her mind slipping away from herself and into Tuvok's. The background took on a rich golden hue. She saw many doors that were shut to her but one was wide open. She tried to enter but there was a force that prevented her from going any further.

Tom stood there just on the other side of the open door.

"B'Elanna! I'm glad to see you. I've been wandering around lost in a maze. I can't seem to find the way out."

"I'm here to help you. You need to come through this door and I'll take you home."

"It's that simple?" He asked. "I don't believe you."

"It is that simple Tom. I've missed you. Come with me."

He started toward her but he came up against the same force. He pushed against it trying to find a weak spot.

"I can't. I...it hurts," he said. One hand slid down it like he was wiping the steam off a window.

"I know it hurts but you have to come through. You can't stay there. We need you out here," she said. "I need you. Voyager needs you."

"Why did you want to die?" He took a step back and stared hard at her.

"What do you mean?"

"You wouldn't let the Doctor perform that procedure...you wanted to die."

B'Elanna felt pain. She felt hurt. It was Tom's hurt. She had no idea it had affected him so deeply. Of course, she should have known...but she couldn't let that sidetrack her. That wasn't why she was here.

"Tom I'm alright. I came through it. That's in the past. Don't think about that now. Think about joining me here on the other side."

"I'm sorry," he said. He eyes were watering. Tears started to spill down his cheeks.

"Sorry?"

"For forgetting about our plans. For getting so caught up in that damn race…" He really did forget. He didn't mean to. He had just got caught up in the excitement of something new. He really did love her and he was really sorry. Once again B'Elanna pushed past it.

"Don't worry about that now Tom. We worked through that. We got married. We're happy now. You need to come through….we have a life together and I need you here, with me."

This time, he threw his weight against it. He still couldn't penetrate whatever it was that was holding him back. She felt his frustration. His pain was starting to overwhelm her. Panic started to rise up inside her. Tuvok was right. Humans weren't suited for this sort of thing let along someone who was only half human. She couldn't handle his pain and her own at the same time. Damn. Rage started to rise inside her without warning. That was probably filtering over to him. She needed to stop this. She needed...

"Hey buddy." Harry was there beside her. She had never been so glad to see him in her life.

"Harry," Tom said. His facial expression changed from tears to surprise.

"Remember how you found me Tom? On Deep Space Nine…"

"I...yes. You were so green. I still laugh when I think about it. I knew right then...I'm sorry. I punched you that time. I…" Harry flinched.

"Tom, it's ok. We've had more good times than bad. Just come through the door and join us and we'll go home. We've got a Universe to explore. Aliens to meet. Can't do that without you at the helm."

Tom's eyes went back to B'Elanna. He knelt down in front of her.

"Why did you want to change her? She was perfect." Once again Tom's emotions swept through her and once more she beat them back. This was harder than she realized.

"She's fine now Tom. Don't you want to be here for her?" B'Elanna felt like she was grasping at straws. At this rate, they would be in here forever.

This time something changed. His hand managed to penetrate through the force. B'Elanna knelt down and took it. There was resistance. She could feel him pulling back.

"Remember the time we programmed all of Tuvok's computer to say live long and prosper? We had a lot of good times. We can have more." Harry said. A hint of a smile appeared on Tom's face. His other hand reached through and this time Harry knelt down took it.

"Do we just pull him through?" Harry whispered?

"I don't know," B'Elanna whispered back.

"Remember what happened after Tuvok's promotion dinner?" She directed her question at Tom. Now there was a real smile. She could feel the love she had read about in his logs. She tugged hard and he came through. He let go of their hands back and fell to the floor writhing in agony. Grief, pain, sorrow, regret. Wave after wave of negative emotions swept through her. One look at Harry and she could tell he was experiencing the same thing.

"Damn. We did something wrong, "Harry said. I can feel his memories coming back. All of them. What do we do?"

"Don't break the meld," B'Elanna cautioned. "Hold on. It's up to Tom to sort out how he wants to deal with them." She knelt down beside Tom and took his hand motioning for Harry to do the same. Everything Tom felt passed through them and then he went quiet.

 _I don't need anyone to pick my friends for me._  
 _I've entered into the logs on this day that I am granting a field commission of Lieutenant to Thomas Eugene Paris._  
 _You don't make many friends that way. Perhaps. Well, Like it or not, you've made one today."_  
 _This man is my friend. Nobody touches him._  
 _I love you._  
 _Tell him I miss him, and I'm proud of him._  
 _As Ship's Captain, I hereby reinstate you to the rank of Lieutenant._  
 _Will you marry me?_  
 _The fetus is about seven weeks old…_

It was over in a few seconds. B'Elanna felt herself being whisked back through the door, back through the pathway and she was herself again. Tom was still on the bed, wide awake staring at the ceiling over his head. A very relieved Harry sat back hard on the other biobed, his breath escaping in a loud sigh.

The Doctor was waving a scanner over Tom who immediately sat up. He stared at the group surrounding him.

"What the hell just happened?" He asked. "Where was I?"

B'Elanna answered by throwing her arms around him. He returned her embrace but looked around over her shoulder clearly mystified.

"Welcome back Tom," Harry said slapping him on the back.

"What's the last thing you remember Mr. Paris?" The Doctor asked.

"Do you mean in real life or in that weird metaphysical pace I was just in? The last clear memory I have is getting in an escape pod."

"Oh dear. It looks as though despite our best efforts we somehow managed to erase a few memories anyway," said the Doctor.

"As those memories were altered memories I cannot see where the loss of them it would adversely affect Mr. Paris' well being," said Tuvok.

"That's ok," B'Elanna said. "I can remember for both of us."


	7. Chapter 7

What a story," Tom said. Harry had just left their quarters after an evening of helping B'Elanna fill Tom in on what had happened. He stood by the door shaking his head. " I could easily convince myself you were making it up but I do get these...moments. Memories of shadows if that makes any sense."

"I had the same feelings when I tried to remember things when I was on the planet. Things like who my parents were, where I was born. Then when I was brought back on Voyager I went through it again, just in reverse except then the 'shadows' grew stronger and became real," B'Elanna said. "The memories from Quarra are starting to fade now. I don't remember much about it myself."

"So they separated us and it was my fault," He said. He crossed the room to sit down on the sofa beside her. "I couldn't let go. I've always had a stubborn streak but I didn't know it ran that deep. I don't know whether I should apologize or not."

B'Elanna responded by caressing his forehead, gently running her fingers through his hair. She had been constantly touching him since the Doctor released him. Rubbing her fingers up and down his arm, holding his hand, kissing his cheek. It wasn't a sexual thing. There were no sultry looks or hints that things should go further. He was normally the one to show pure affection like this so he was slightly confused by her behavior.

"It doesn't matter now. Things worked out. "She said. "I admit in the past your single mindedness used to drive me crazy but I vowed if I got you back I would never complain again if you over focus on something or spend too much time on a new hobby...and now I love your stubbornness."

"Can I get that in writing?"

"Of course!" She reached over and kissed him again.

Without consulting him she turned on the TV and made popcorn. He wasn't used to this kingly treatment and wondered if she had some kind of ulterior motive. Something was brewing. He soon lost himself in the program but became aware of her lips on his cheek.

"What was that for?" He asked. He didn't like being suspicious but he had to know.

"For taking care of me, even when you didn't know who I was," she said. He smiled. It was nice to know he still cared about her even when he was in an altered state of mind. Then she punched his arm.

Finally. He knew she wasn't being all full of sweetness and light for no reason.

"Ow! What was THAT for?"

"For flirting with your customers!" So that was it. Damn. What else had he done when he was down there? He hoped it wasn't anything too horrible.

"I was a victim of mind control!" Even though it was the truth it sounded weak. He waited for the oncoming storm. Another punch, a scowl...but instead she laughed. That was completely unexpected.

Sweet relief flowed through him as she snuggled up against him. Even though he had little memory of being away and had no idea what had brought about this change in B'Elanna he wasn't going to fight it. It was nice to be back.


End file.
